I woke up this morning a few minutes before my alarm clock went off. Well, ok... before my alarm clock went off AGAIN (I had pushed the snooze button a couple of times already.) As I lay there pondering WHY I was awake, I heard a snuffling noise. As I absorbed the implications of the snuffling noise, I noticed a SMELL. Ohhhhh noooooooo.
Precursor to this story: We have 3 heelers. They sleep in our laundry room at night. They cannot sleep outside because, "out in the country" (where we live), dogs tend to hunt the neighbor's livestock at night... as in the kill-and-eat kind of hunt. Kinda shocking to "city folk", I know, but it is what it is. We had to learn this the hard way with previous dogs (so sorry about the goats and chickens...) So, like our werewolf friends, they have to be inside during the killing hours between dusk and dawn. We put up a gate on the door to the laundry room to keep them in. It's just a baby safety-gate... nothing major. We've been doing it for several years now - NO problems. The dogs could easily knock it down if they wanted, but in general, they're good pups and stay in until we let them out each morning. IN GENERAL.
Ok back to today... Apparently these monsters, who usually behave themselves at night, DID NOT last night. When I smelled the smell and jumped out of bed to see what it was this morning, ugh... you can't even imagine. The catfood was gone... the entire box of "Large Breed" dog biscuits was gone and the box totally shredded (and for some reason bits stuck to the floor), 2 ink pens were destroyed (??? how did they get those???), rugs were overturned and wadded up, several of my cookbooks that were on the lower shelf of the hutch were demolished... shredded... half-eaten. And then... THEN there was the poo. Oh, dear God, the poo. There were piles of poo in the laundry room, three or four in the kitchen, two in Kelly's office, and SEVEN OR EIGHT IN THE LIVING ROOM ON MY NEW CARPET!!!! I about fainted. My new carpet... my new carpet I had waited EIGHT years for. Now a poo field. The field of poo. A litter box for dogs. Devastation... depression... WHAT? How on EARTH could 3 dogs poo that much? Were they saving it for a week? I mean, COME ON! Did they drug me and have a dog party last night, because SURELY this volume of poo couldn't possibly come from THREE dogs? Unimaginable. I would have taken photos as proof, but, really, who wants to see poo photos? I know I don't. On top of all that - you KNOW If there's poo, there's GOT to be pee. I don't know WHERE exactly, but I know it's THERE. Sigh...
Needless to say, my super-fantastic-heroic sons and I cleaned it all up. I don't know what I would have done if they hadn't been here. Probably packed up and moved out. They cleaned up the worst of it then I finished the kitchen and Resolved the carpet, etc. Now I'm sitting here waiting for the Stanley Steemer guys to come steam-clean my abused carpet. They are scheduled to be here between 10am and 2pm. It is 3:12pm. Please, please, please tell me they are running late... but ARE coming. 
So, yes... someone please tell me WHY I have dogs? IS there a reason? DO I love them? DO those sweet eyes melt my heart? DO I love puppy kisses on my chin? OK, fine. Yes. Yes, I do love them. Yes, they're irresistable. Yes, their sweet puppy faces tug at my heart. But, shhhhhhhhh - don't tell them! They're still in trouble!!!!
