In our master bathroom, the toilet is located in a tiny little room - I guess it's called the "powder room"... all it has is the toilet, a cabinet above it and a window. This window looks out into our side yard. The side yard has trees. Trees and grass. It's a pretty view... in the day time.
I drink a lot of water. I mean a LOT of water.. all day, every day. This means I tinkle a lot (... I know tinkle is a silly word, but "urinate" is not in my vocabulary, ok?) Night time is no exception. I have to get up to tinkle AT LEAST once every night. Sometimes twice.
Night time "out in the country"... because "out in the country" is where I live... is DARK. There are no street lights. There aren't any other houses in view from the windows of our home. When you look out the windows - you see black... or a cat face staring back in, but that's a different story.
Because I drink a lot of water, it is inevitable that I must use the "powder room" at night. Mostly this is ok, because I am still 95% asleep. I may run into the wall or door frame but not all the time and I seldom remember it.
Sometimes... sometimes I am more awake... and Stephen King talks to me. Sometimes, while I am tinkling (sorry, sorry - TMI, I know!) I hear things outside the window. Wind? Raccoons? It's those nights that he speaks...
SK - "Ooooh - what's making that noise?"
ME - "I don't know."
SK - "Why don't you look out the window and see?"
ME - "I don't think so."
SK - "Why not? It's probably just a raccoon."
ME - "Probably. But it's DARK out there - I'm still not looking."
SK - "... but you know you want to LOOK..."
ME - "No I don't."
SK - "It's not like it's the Boogeyman... or a Vampire... or a rabid wolf."
ME - "Of course not... I think."
SK - "Oh, just go ahead and look."
ME - "No."
SK - "You're probably right... I wouldn't look either. What if it IS the Boogeyman?"
ME - "There's no such thing as the Boogeyman...???"
SK - "Of course not... but what if there IS? What if his face is RIGHT THERE at the window?"
This is where I panic and desperately claw my way out of the bathroom and dive into bed (making sure my feet are UNDER the covers and NOT leaking over the edge of the bed)... waking up Kelly, who asks, "Stephen King again?"
1 comment:
How about wearing one those coal miner helmets that have a light attached to them. They are really nifty and you can turn them off and on as needed. Wonder if Wal-Mart has them? They could serve more than one purpose (scaring away the boogley man). Say you dropped something on the floor. You could instantly turn on the light. Or, you get cold at night, and realize that all the covers are NOT on you. You could investigate the reason, before you snatched them back. Bet it wouldn't be long before others were asking to borrow your helmet!!
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